It's been one week and 5 days since I learnt that my baby boys had died at week 15, and one week and two days since I delivered them. Although I still do not have the medical reports, everything points out to TTTS, since the larger baby was red and the smaller one was white. One day I felt the happiest, most blessed woman in the world, the next I felt the most miserable. I am 32 and this was our first pregnancy. It hurts so deeply that I can't explain. I am desperate to get pregnant again, but still, I am terrified that the happy, positive girl that I was is gone forever, and that the new baby will remind me all the time of the twin boys I lost, of the mother of twins that I will never be. Is it possible to be happy again? God, how I want my boys back. Is there going to be light in my life again?